By Michael Abrahams, LCSW-C
When you are thinking and addressing yourself, observe how you are "speaking" (or thinking) to yourself.
Are you saying (thinking) "you", or are you saying (thinking) "I"
"You should", "you need to", "you have to", "If you don’t do —, then — will happen"
"I should", "I need to (or "I want to"), "If I don’t do —, then — will happen"
It doesn’t play out like this for everyone, but I have found that very often people use a "you" voice in their self-talk, and that the "you" voice is inflexible, harsh, and never-satisfied-with-good enough. And, contrarily, that self-talk in the "I" voice is more likely to be associated with realistic and self-affirming statements and thoughts.
I encourage you to observe your self-talk for this. If you notice frequent "You" language in your self-talk, you might experiment with deliberately changing to "I" language, and see how that feels and works.